DjnAnita

Such a....

2008-03-31T16:02:00.007+11:00

.....long time. What prompted me to update was that I told a friend (I know you are reading) that I had a blog and then I told him that his last update was December. I had to check mine and mine was August! Naughty.

What is going on with me...

hmmmm so much to tell. Damian is just shy of 21 months and mama is getting a little nervous. Especially since he does this everytime I ask him to do something...

do you see what I mean? How could you not be nervous. One is that he has attitude and two is that he is just gorgeous and is going to be chased by girls before I can blink!

Damian is talking A LOT. Sure he takes after me, but he talks way more than me and this is just a scary thought. He is into buses at the moment and seeing that he woke prior to daylight on Saturday, mama seized the opportunity and took him on his first ever bus trip. We went to the local shopping centre (most the shops were closed - told you it was early) and sat down and had a hot chocolate together. Well actually he drank my hot chocolate but that is what mamas do.....right?

My DH and I have separated, amicably. For this I am grateful. I am saddened to think that what I thought was the strongest marriage ever, failed. I am not dating, don't want to date and don't think I will ever date. I am not yet at the stage where I can talk about it without crying but hope that one day this will come.

I have started studying at Uni. I am loving what I am doing but with two assignments due next week I am now wondering whether this was a good choice.

Our dream house was never finished and are close to putting it on the market and a substantially lesser price than what was invested into it. I would love to be able to finish it and live in in, but with RBA increasing interest rates this is not an option.

Hope you are all well, another update soonish.

New start

2007-08-28T09:19:00.000+10:00

We are moving out! After living with my IL's for what seems like a lifetime, we are moving.

Maybe I should clarify the 'we'. Damian and I are moving out but DH may not be. I am ok with this. DH needs to sort himself out. Ok maybe I need to clarify that also. We have been living with his parents for 4 years. During this time we have half built a house, gone through AC, had a baby etc etc. He feels that until we finish our house that we should stay with his parents. Fair comment except if I were to turn the tables, he says that he couldn't live with my parents for this long. Ah ha. So he couldn't but I should? I need to save myself from hating every member in his family and the way to do this is to move out.

Let me clarify the 'hating' bit. DH has two sisters, when we first moved in both his sisters were living at home. I came from a organised house to a house that no one took any pride in. This was extremely hard. The older sister was my age and lived like a pig (this has changed since being married) and the other was lazy but still young enough to be told to clean and would. The older sister moved out and the younger sister is now WORSE. She has lost 2 jobs in the space of a year and is now temping but that does not last long - anyway that's not my problem. The problem is that my MIL is not aroung often enough but I am and when I do ask for help or for her to do something, I am the worse person in the world....SO it is time for me to move on before it gets a little ugly.

And DH is oblivious to anything - as males are and quite frankly I haven't even told him about why I am moving out as he is just not interested so enough is enough. I want to spend quality time with my boy and not cleaning up after 5 people.

Now comes all the furniture buying.....I need:

- BEDROOM: bed, bedside cabinets, small TV unit, tallboy
- LOUNGE: lounge suite, coffee table, TV unit
- OFFICE: Filing cabinet, table
- ELECTRICAL: washing machine & fridge

Here are some of the beautiful things I like but not sure whether I can afford....

One Year down.....

2007-07-19T08:47:00.001+10:00

...and many more to come! Damian is now 1.

Time has certainly flown but they have been the most joyous years of my entire life. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I would not change it for the world, even the sleepless nights, nope would not change a single thing!

Damian was an early walker and this is most certainly a trait that he has got from his tata. He DOES NOT stop. Active from the moment he wakes to the moment he goes down for a sleep, cuddles are saved for just before bed of a night time which mama treasures more than anything.

Ok boasting mama here, but heck I can so listen up. Damian is:

- Saying mama, tata, deda, baba, teta,
- Watches Barney & friends and claps when they sing 'if you're happy and you know it...'
- Stops at a step and carefully takes the step without falling
- Loves opening cupboards and playing with bowls and lids
- Starts kicking his legs and waving his arms around when I pull into my parents and brothers drive way!
- When I say 'where's the bird?' he looks outside and looks up in the sky

Oh and there is so much more. But ain't my baby clever??!!

Enjoy!

Sudoko......

2007-05-10T08:41:00.000+10:00

Do you play? I have only just had the opportunity to sit down and play Sudoko and I love it. Still working on 'easy' haven't moved onto medium but I will get there. Mind you these days I rarely have any spare time.

That's all for today...

Christening...

2007-04-27T07:23:00.000+10:00

So much has happened, Damian is now 9 months and just freaking me out! What happened to my baby? I know that 9 months is still considered a baby but he is not the baby he once was. He still wants and needs his mama and I love that.

We had Damian's Christening this past Saturday and he was a little angel. All went well, well apart from this:

Yep the bear got a little squashed! DH tried to carry way too many things out of the car at the same time and he put the BBQ chicken on top of the bear and well something had to give. Lucky it wasn't the whole cake!

Damian has had the flu this past week but is on the mend.....oh and I have been so strict with his sleep and making sure he always sleeps in his own bed but there have been some occasions where he will not go back asleep and the moment I lift him he settles and then screams when I put him back down. WHAT HAVE I DONE? Last night I resorted to putting him in our bed. Bad move me thinks. Ah well they are only small once.

Damian - 8 months

2007-03-15T08:03:00.000+11:00

Happy :-)

Not so happy :-

What peeves you off?!

2007-03-15T07:55:00.000+11:00

There are several:

-When I tell my mamas something about Damian and they totally disregard my instructions
-When I am up till 11.30pm (v. late for me), getting everything ready for the next day and DH is either playing his x-box or sleeping.
-When I forget to wax my bikini and Damian and I have swimming. Those little kiddlets are going to get the shock of their lives!
-When you let someone borrow something and then you never get it back, but worse is when you know you have done this and cannot remember who you gave it to!
-When you force yourself to stay away to watch a whole 1 hour episode of Grey's Anatomy and then you fall asleep 10 mins before the end....

What peeves you off?!

Back to work....

2007-03-07T15:29:00.000+11:00

After 8 beautiful months at home, I am back at work. Only working 2 1/2 days but honestly that is all I could manage. I miss him heaps.......I mean I love the freedom (going to the toilet in peace, eating a hot meal, shopping without lugging two bags blah blah) but I miss him more.

Damian is now standing, walking around furniture, eating pretty much everything, drinking with a straw (yep he is so cute), not saying specific words but blabbing heaps, wakes only once a night (that's a good night), DAMIAN DOES NOT STOP. He is so full of energy which reminds me of DH and myself.

I do worry about the world he has come into but I can only prepare him to make the best decisions. Oh and I was so critical of toddler tantrums but oh gosh they start very early and I have had to deal with tantrums now. He understands 'no' and then comes the scream and tears and it is worse at the supermarket as he grabs anything and everything he can get to.

Best get going........but rest assured all is well.

House - Update

2007-01-13T09:41:00.000+11:00

Haven't got a recent photo (stone work has now been completed) but this will give you some idea on how we are going. I cannot wait to move in but as I am on maternity leave, $ are a little low so we will just have to sit tight until I return to work in March. This house building is hard work!

6 Months

2007-01-13T09:13:00.000+11:00

Can you believe that my little boy is 6 months? I can't! Damian can roll, has favourite toys (mobile in the cot and his swing), eats all day (if he could), gives me big sloppy kisses, plays with my hair and lots more. Motherhood is the best thing that has happened to me!

Sleep has been our major battle. We went to Karitane and they got me on track and had everything going smoothly until his immunisation this week. Damian's temp went up to 38.9......it was too much for my little boy. Apart from giving him 4 baths in one day, we just lay on the bed next to each other reading and talking. Yesterday he was back to his normal self and when I went to put him in his cot for sleep, he screamed the house down. Damian wanted to sleep with me but I had to be strong and I know that he will cry at sleep time for the next couple of days but I have to do it. The issue to hand is that I would LOVE to sleep with him but when he starts childcare in March, they surely won't be doing it which would just break my heart and it will make it far more traumatic then it has to be. Oh this is so hard. Who would have thought that sleep would be so difficult.

I am also still breastfeeding. For someone who thought that there was no way I could EVER breastfeed, I am loving it. Damian loves it and that is all that counts. I have to start giving him formula during the day and breast only in the morning and night. Oh and I now officially have nana boobs! Saggers.........gone are the plump and perky boobs, much to DH's dissappointment. All for a good cause I say!

The photo above was taken about 3 weeks ago and is my favourite!

Just a quick message to my cyber buddy BUGSY, I am rooting for you girl!

My baby...

2006-11-06T23:18:00.000+11:00

Introducing Damian! He entered the world on the 06.07.06 and mama just couldn't be happier. So many months have passed so I will give you a really quick birth story and a quick run down of where we are at now.

My waters broke on Wednesday 05.07.06 and week and a bit early so very unexpected. I was in bed and got up to go to the toilet. But as I got up I felt a little trickle go down my leg. I thought nothing of it. Then I sat on the toilet but m wee wouldn't stop. V. unusual. I rang the hospital and they told me to put a pad on and go back to bed. If full again in 15 mins, then it is my waters and to get ready and come straight in. I woke DH up but he was still in deep sleep. I hopped into the shower and DH came running in and asked whether I had just woke him to tell him my waters had broke??!! Der 'YES'. DH started to get all frantic but I just took my time. I even blow dryed my hair and straightened it with the GHD!!! We drove to the hospital in silence and total disbelief that this was happening now. I expected to go past my due date...

The contractions started about 7am but stopped totally at about 10am. My Ob basically said that if things don't get moving, then I would be induced the next day and so the fun begins...

As you can imagine, I really didn't sleep all that well. I was to be induced at about 7am but it was more like 9.30ish. The drip was slowly turned up, when I say slowly I mean all within about 1 hour. I was checked at about 11am but was only 1cm dialated. I really thought I was going to pass out. I thought my pain threshold was pretty good....I was sadly mistaken. I then tried the gas but this put me is a doped haze type feeling which I really didn't like. I like to know what is happening and with this I just didn't have that control. Another hour passed and I asked for 'an emergency c-sec'. Yep I classed myself an emergency. Well the OB disagreed but said that I could have an epi. I told the nurse to get it fast and thankfully he was just finishing up in the room next to me so I had it pretty fast. DH was warning me against it as he seen the size of it. I elected not to look at it beforehand as I would have been a wreck. Well it turns out that DH should not have looked at it either as he started to feel faint and was dripping in sweat. If he had not sat down, he would have been on the floor!

The nurse check me again an hour after the epi and I had barely gone to 2cm's! I was not happy but the epi kicked in so it wasn't too bad. The nurse said that at this rate I would be still going till the evening!

During the whole labour, I was bed ridden as I was hooked up to ever machine possible but for some reason the external monitor for bubs was cutting in and out so they decided to pop the little probe onto bubs head to monitor him / her. A new nurse came in with the old one and they proceeded to get the probe ready, as the new nurse started, she looked at the other one and said 'the head is right here'. I had gone for 2cm's to 10cm's in less than an hour! They called my Ob who came immediately and it was all on.

As I had my epi not long before, I really couldn't feel a thing. I basically knew when to push my touching my tummy and feeling the contraction that way. DH was holding my hand and DH's sister (who had a 'no looking' clause in our verbal agreement - that went out the door pretty quick), was holding my head up. 4 pushes later and my beautiful baby boy Damian entered the world. Damian was 3.28kg's, 53 cms with a HC of 35cms. He is everything I have ever wanted and MORE!

This is a photo of Damian at about 2 weeks...

This is Damian at 4 weeks.....

This is Damian at 2 1/2 months.....
I promise to come back soon with an update......

Hopeless Blogger

2006-06-19T13:11:00.000+10:00

Let me have it girls.......I know that if you girls went MIA for weeks that I would be giving you a stern word but here I am doing it to you all.

Ok where am I.....I am now 37 weeks and counting down the days. Never has there been a day where I feel 'safe' in this pregnancy. I haven't had anything in particular to warrant me stressing but the 'infertility' label never leaves you.

As our house is still being built, we will be bringing our baby to our inlaws home. I was hoping to be in our own home but I am past worrying about this. Some people just don't have homes to go home to so I am thankful that we have somewhere to live.

***PREGNANCY STUFF FOLLOWING***

We tried to squeeze the cot into our room but it wouldn't fit so we have put it in the bedroom next to our but as I just couldn't bear the thought of my little one sleeping all alone, I went and bought a bassinet for our bedroom until our baby is a little older. We also bought a tallboy which I have lined and put all the washed clothes in, pram has been put together, linen is washed, bags are only partly packed, still have to clean the car (service on Wednesday) and put the car seat in......although I have done all this it is still very daunting especially as the end result is not quite here yet.

I just wanted to let all my blogger friends know that you are in my thoughts constantly and I hope that I have not offended any of you by talking about my pregnancy.

Better run.

26 weeks!

2006-05-04T09:38:00.000+10:00

I know, I know I have been MIA for far too long. I will give you a run down of what has been happening.

Firstly this is a picture of my bulge at 26 weeks - I am now 30 weeks so the 10 week countdown has begun! I am feeling absolutely fine. I feel heavy but I make myself keep going. I did have a little scare on the weekend whereby I didn't feel my baby move for a couple of days so D. and I headed to the birthing suite of our local public hospital who monitored me and picked up our baby immediately. In fact it had the hiccups! I ended up staying the whole day as they picked up an infection in my pee so I had to have some fluids (drip) and antibiotics but all is good now.

I have ordered our cot, tallboy, mattress, car seat, pram/bassinet. My darling SIL has given me lots (I mean lots) of baby products so I don't need to buy any. I also have bought lots of little jumpsuits for baby but need a little more.

The house is coming along (no pics, sorry). The Stonemason's are to start on Monday, the bricklayers for the chimney will start on Saturday and finish on Sunday, the roofers are starting once the chimney is complete. It is all go but unfortunately not complete before our baby comes into the world so it looks like we will be living with the in-laws probaby until the end of this year. Doh!

My little newphew is a darling. My brother and SIL have had their ups and downs but you expect that with a newborn...I was going to give you an updated photo but his stupid aunty deleted his new photos!

Work has been extremely busy so I have had no time to even read your blogs....so sorry. Tell me what is happening with you all???

Introducing Aunty Anita's little angel

2006-03-10T12:09:00.000+11:00

My nephew entered the world at 6.21pm, 2nd March 2006, weighing 3.840kg's. He is the most innocent little thing I have ever laid my eyes on. I love him oh so much!

This picture does him absolutely no justice...just think that he is 20 times cuter than he is here!

What do you think?

2006-03-10T12:06:00.000+11:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3151762.stm

I really don't know what to think as IVF / infertility has effected me personally but I do think that our partners have a say and in this case the fact that they stored fertilised embryos (beats me why they wouldn't have frozen eggs instead), means that their ex's still have a say.

What are your thoughts?

19 Weeks

2006-02-16T12:55:00.000+11:00

Yes 19 weeks today and feeling and feeling like the end is getting closer but not close enough. I have my 18-20 week scan today at 4pm and it cannot come any sooner.

Happy Valentines

2006-02-14T08:35:00.000+11:00

.....to my darling husband. We have had many happy / memorable moments and many a hard times but we got through them. You told me, at the age of 15, that 'one day you (me) will be my wife' and I thank you for making a promise that you kept. I never once doubted this and have loved you from the first moment we met. Loving you always.....

Lookout D. here I (insert appropriate word here....lol)

Some blogs found....

2006-01-25T10:08:00.000+11:00

Ok I found you Bugsy & Mari....now the rest.

Lost Blogs

2006-01-25T10:04:00.000+11:00

Help! I have unknowingly deleted the addresses to all your blogs.....Mari, Bugsy, Thalia, and many more.

Post your address in my comments PLEASE.

Ultrasound - Take 3

2006-01-16T11:22:00.000+11:00

This scan picture (13 weeks) seems a little fuzzy when uploaded on my blog.........not too sure why but hope you can see what I see!

House Photos

2006-01-09T11:34:00.000+11:00

1st Floor - Garage

1st Floor Slab - Workshop

13 weeks +

2006-01-09T11:07:00.000+11:00

Yes I have reached the goal of 12 weeks but I keep on moving the posts and now they have moved to 15 weeks!

Everything seems to be going good, I had my NT b/t and scan and have a very low risk of downs syndrome and two other chromosome abnormalities so I am very happy.

I am still feeling unwell but not to the point of throwing up, which I am extremely grateful for. I have had three OB appointments and between the 1st and 2nd I had put on two kilos (yes you read right) but between the 2nd and the 3rd nothing at all (phew!). Ah heck honestly I will just deal with that as it comes and then after the pregnancy.

The house starts construction again next week.....I will post a picture so you can see where we are up to. My prediction is that it WON'T be finished before bubs is due, but D. said it is possible.......

Still here

2005-12-14T10:11:00.000+11:00

Thank you gals!

Went to the Ob who just said that the other embyro would disolve into the uterus or worse case scenario I would bleed it out but as Twin A is sitting higher in the uterus then it should not be effected. Phew! He believes that either way it shouldn't be there on my next u/s.

The Ob also checked my sugar and guess what? I have to do the glucose test earlier than most as I am showing a little sugar which obviously isn't good this early on. I will be doing that test on the 4/1 and next Ob appt on the 6/1.....

We have decided that we are going Private - Sydney Southwest Private Hospital - Liverpool. I mean what is the point of having private health insurance if you are not going to be using it?

Now can I complain about being nauseous? No. Ok I won't by know that it ain't pleasant!

Ultrasound - Take 2

2005-12-09T08:58:00.000+11:00

An update:

Twin A - 182 h/b, measuring exactly 9 weeks
Twin B - Had not grown from the last u/s and there was no longer a heartbeat.

Not sure how I am feeling but I know that I am thankful for having one little fighter. Am going to the Ob this afternoon to find out where to from here.....will keep you updated.

Ultrasound

2005-12-06T10:44:00.000+11:00

After reading my last few entries I noticed that I hadn't really updated you on my ultrasound the week before last. I cannot believe that I haven't.

To recap, I had 7 eggs retrieved of which 1 was deemed abnormal. Out of the 6, 2 reached the blastocyst stage. They were deemed a Grade 2 and a Grade 3. It was not recommended that I freeze the Grade 3 as it was not deemed to be strong enough to survive a thaw. We elected to transfer both.

On the day of the ultrasound I did not think that I would have two, actually I was doubting that I had anything in this uterus of mine. Well it turns out that I do have two little ones. We will call them Twin A & Twin B. There is a BUT though.....

Twin B is lagging behind and they do think that by my next ultrasound (tomorrow) that he will not be there.

The stats were

- Twin A, measuring exactly 7 weeks, h/b 137bpm
- Twin B, measuring 5 weeks & 6 days, h/b 85bpm

I didn't know how to feel. Excited as something WAS there, sad and disappointed that Twin B was fighting so hard to stay with us. The sonographer told me that it was best that I see my Ob immediately for a quick consult and he just reiterated that there wasn't much that he could do and that as most u/s happen at 12 weeks, most spotting that occurred in the 1st 12 weeks was probably due to miscarrying a twin.

I still am not sure how to feel and pray that tomorrow shows Twin B on par with Twin A but know that this is probably not likely.

It's time

2005-12-06T10:24:00.000+11:00

....that I got back into blogging and keeping promises. You have to forgive me as if I am going to post recipes then I want to show you some pictures and when I did all my cooking in the last few weeks I was too lazy to get out the camera but I PROMISE that I will take photos soon. I mean my food probably isn't restaurant quality but it always is tasty. Will come back with those recipes and photos soon.

An update on me, well you will know by reading through subsequent posts after my BFP that I was scared. Scared to move on from infertility and scared to move on and leave cyber friends still struggling with infertility. I am still scared.....8 weeks and 5 days pregnant but still very much feeling exactly the same. I am though believing that I am pregnant more and in fact we told our parents, brothers, sisters and grandparents and a few friends but I am scared that I will have to tell them something else in a few weeks and I don't want to.

On another note, I was reading another infertility blog, http://barrenmare.typepad.com/ regarding her relationship woes as a result of her infertility and honestly I can so relate. If you read back into my blog you will find the odd hints that D. was so against IVF. He did not want to go down that path....actually he did not want to go down the path of children any time soon as he was having so much fun being 30 and living his life his way. Well I can reveal that I gave him his ultimatum, either I leave or you come on board and grow up (as much as men can). Well he obviously chose the later and I know within the last few weeks that he is NOT regretting his choice. Not so much when I told him that I was pregnant but when he was revealing it to his family, he had a smile that went from one end of his face to the other and there was no stopping him. Each and every day he asks how I am feeling and you know what, that little question shows me that he wants this just as much as I do and that to me is utter bliss!

I feel for Barrenmare and other women at this stage in their relationship. This post was not a comparison but rather an expression of knowing what BarrenMare is going through and telling her that I have been there and try and remain focused. You will see the light at the end of the tunnel.....I promise.

Recipes...

2005-11-17T10:46:00.000+11:00

Damn just lost my whole post.....

I just googled some food blogs and honestly my mouth was watering that I just had to make yours water too.

I love cooking. I am quite fussy as to how food is prepared and served so I don't go to many restaurants but if I do it has got to be an Italian restaurant. Not a fan of Thai or Indian but then again I have never really been so maybe I should retract that comment. I love Chinese, again I only go to one restaurant as I am a fussy eater.

Back to me cooking.....well this week I haven't cooked much (live with the in-laws and MIL cooks everyday) but I did manage to fit some things in. I made creamy chicken pesto pasta - way too much fat but it was v. yummy all the same.

I also made a beautiful, avacado, fetta & tomato salad and I oven roasted some peppers and seasoned those. D. had a BBQ at our block for all the tradesmen and the oven roasted peppers were a hit!!!

WHAT ABOUT THE SOCCER....oops FOOTBALL LAST NIGHT!!! So ecstatic but know that my brother was even more so. He is a football fanatic.

Ok back to the cooking thing....would you like to see some recipes with photos??? I am happy to share and would never share the flops so are you interested?

Don't Know

2005-11-15T12:54:00.000+11:00

Firstly let me apologise for my lack of posts.

I am probably thinking that you want to an update as to what is happening with me but then again you may not want to, and I understand this. I felt like this when I read blogs of ladies who had gone through IVF and then fallen pregnant. They were no longer in my league and so I slowly moved on.

I really don't want that to happen here. I have the pain of infertility and it is still with me as I approach my 1st ultrasound. I am not feeling the joy that I should and infertility has made me be like this.

I hope that you can all get that BFP you all deserve, but I know that like me, you will be cautiously happy and will not claim victory until we have those little babies in our arms.

Never...

2005-11-08T10:53:00.000+11:00

Thank you for your kind words.

Infertility effects every part of your life. Instead of being over the moon, I am quietly cautious. I suppose I have to be. I have been through so much that I think this will be taken away from me faster than it got here. I think this infertility journey just never ends.

About a week ago a lady posted a discussion on EB as to when the stressing would stop and someone said that it didn't stop until the baby was 4 weeks old! I think that is the way I will feel. It will not be real until I am holding something in my arms.

Positive

2005-11-07T09:54:00.000+11:00

What a hopeless blogger I am!

My excuse....that after I got told I was pregnant (yes I am) I drove straight home to be with D. and thought that I would update from home only to not remember my password! Doh!

I NEVER thought I would ever post that I was pregnant. In all honestly, I was hoping but never did I ever think my dreams would be answered.

Ladies....do not think I will be deserting any of you and ask any question that you want; symptoms, what I ate, ANYTHING.

9.09am

2005-11-04T09:09:00.000+11:00

It is now 9.09am and I am going completely insane! Nurses took my blood this morning. Result between 2-4pm....but still feel like AF is just about here.

The Day

2005-11-02T09:18:00.000+11:00

Well today is THE DAY that AF paid me a visit after my last IVF cycle. Am a little nervous, v. moody (typical PMS), cramping, yadda yadda yadda. You know the deal, think she is just about to visit.

See

2005-10-31T12:23:00.000+11:00

See no entry about symptoms...see...see! I told you I would be good.

Not so good....

2005-10-27T08:54:00.000+10:00

Well I had my transfer on Monday and after Saturdays call confirming that all were going good (4 x 6 cell and 2 x 8 cell), I really thought that I would have no problems. As you can gather, I was shocked to hear, on Monday morning, that 3 had stopped dividing, 1 was neither here nor there (we subsequently left this one for one more day but it also stopped growing) and 2 reached the blastocyst stage but they were not looking great (Grade 2 / 3). I transferred both as there really was no point freezing a Grade 3 blastocyst.

I am hoping and praying but the doc / nurses really didn't reassure me....in fact one of the nurses said 'we have had one lady fall pregnant with these types of blastocysts, so you just never know'......ONE LADY???!!! That said it all.

BUT being me, I am still a little hopeful as I have to be. I just didn't think I would have to go through this all again so soon. I am thinking of calling it a day (purely because I have never had any frosties) or maybe I just need to pop a chill pill? Maybe the latter!

Oh and pregnancy symptoms.....I could have swore I was pregnant even before the transfer! So absolutely NO looking out for symptoms, will wait for the 4/11.

Update

2005-10-20T10:32:00.000+10:00

Triggered on Monday night in prep for Wednesday EPU.

Had my EPU yesterday, got 2 eggs from the L ovary and 5 from the R ovary. I rang this morning for fertilisation rates and they deemed one egg immature but out of the 6 ICSI'ed 6 fertilised! Really happy, as if you can remember I had 8 eggs last time and immediately 5 were immature, so I am 3 up on last time already!

Will ring again on Day 3 (Saturday) and again on Day 5 (Monday - transfer day) for further updates.

The waiting begins.....

Nice to see you again?

2005-10-14T09:45:00.000+10:00

Nice to see you? It is nice to see D. again at the end of the day, it is nice to see long lost friends, it is nice to see relatives living o/seas again, it is nice to meet cyber friends IRL (as long as they don't stalk me) ...

BUT

for the u/s lady to say 'nice to see you again'? FFS it is not nice to see YOU I tell her. She was stunned but then I had to explain. I told her the only time she can EVER say that so me again is if I am coming in for a pregnancy u/s. Mind you I think I will be saying 'nice to see you again' to her and really truly meaning it.

Ok the details:

Right Ovary - 7 follicles ranging from 6mm-16mm. Most are around 13-16mm
Left Ovary - 5 follicles ranging from 11-16mm

Don't know whether I am happy or not as last time I had 16 follicles of which only 8 had eggs. You see a follicle does not always mean it has an egg and you will only find that out on the day of EPU. But these follicles are much bigger than anything I have had previously. In saying that the idea was this cycle that we would stim a little longer to allow any smaller follciles to develop and in turn loosing the bigger ones. I am thinking that based on today's results I would loose all of them if we did that so I will be talking with the nurses this afternoon.

I have been reading the story about baby Joey since he was born and was devastated to read that he had lost his fight with his killer disease. My thoughts are with Chris and Kara at this difficult time. http://www.chrisandkara.com/

I am part of 'The Baby Factory'

2005-10-07T09:03:00.000+10:00

Last Friday I had the pleasure of being interviewed by a 'writer/journalist' whom is writing her own book 'The Baby Factory'. It was a pleasure as the writer/journalist conceived her daughter via IVF, so there was so much understanding and empathy for what I was going through.

Giving my story bought back so many memories; the Chinese herbs, the tea and other concoctions from o/seas, the Healer in Wollongong (who still holds a special place in my heart) who blew on me to rid me of bad spirits, and so much more. I have done it all and you know what I would do it all again in a second if I knew that I would be able to fall pregnant. Things we do.

I had my b/t on Tuesday and was given the go ahead with Puregon (FSH) and start that tonight. Another b/t on Monday morning and it seems to be all go from there.

Thanks to my friends commenting who are always on hand to offer their support.

Short and very sweet

2005-09-27T10:03:00.000+10:00

Part 3....

Started Lucrin injections yesterday, finish the OCP tomorrow, another b/t next Tuesday. All very exciting now but it gets harder by the minute and more frustrating too.

I am so praying this one works for me....

Lesson Learnt

2005-09-23T15:12:00.000+10:00

Ok my last post was a whine and a whinge about me nearly pulling my hair out as D. was expecting me to organise everything a do a full time job at the same time but I have to say that he learnt his lesson. How? Well Anita followed instructions as carefully as she could but it was more of an effort for me to do it as I had to keep confirming things and that took more time and effort than it would have if he just did it himself. Anyway I suppose it is my home too so must help when needed.

Ok today I have heard it all. A new mum giving her 8 week baby Phenergen! Her reason? She needed to sleep....the baby that is. I secretly think that the twit needed precious sleep. FFS your baby is a new born and you expect that your routine will be all over the place until they are um about 18!. Seems to me that this baby may be interferring with her life and just drugging it with Phenergen will solve it. Mind you it wasn't even prescribed by her doctor but the Pharmacist suggested it! But hang on he has 3 years tertiary study so that makes it ok. Wake up to yourself girl this is a new born and you just take every moment/day/month as it comes. If the baby is having trouble sleeping, shouldn't you be asking your doctor for a referral to 'Tresillian?'. No that would be too easy.

Over and out but totally totally disgusted with what this twit has done!

....and nearly pulling my hair out

2005-09-20T15:31:00.000+10:00

Oh yes...just picture it. Me on one side of the world and D. on our acreage on the other side of the world asking me to do every God damn thing possible!

Ring the engineer and ask him whether the concrete slab needs to be post tensioned (what the?). Like you haven't got a mouth!!

Ring the engineer to come and inspect the piers tomorrow

Ring around and get some prices for 1000 x 290mm besser blocks (what the?)

Ring around and get a price for a pallet of common bricks (then she asks me do you want them with holes or without - she was asking too much. At this stage I don't care if these were made our of ruby's....just give me your price lady!)

Organise a bricklayer for Thursday / Friday and get a quote. This wasn't THE bricklayer it was A bricklayer. I hadn't even got any quotes at that stage. Thankfully I did get onto one brickie so yay that was v. lucky.

I had one massive headache and cannot wait for this day to be over. I have had enough of this owner builder thing to last me an absolute lifetime. Did I mention that we are only 1 week in with building. lol.

And we are away...

2005-09-16T15:56:00.000+10:00

We have officially turned over the first dirt on our acreage. Excavation started today and I am one happy gal.

D.'s report from the block tells me that excavation should be completed tomorrow and then formwork on our home starts on Monday. We actually thought that excavation would take a week or so, so we are ahead of schedule as at Day 1. Somehow I don't think that this will continue.

Oh and it just started raining so work has stopped for today....go figure, we are building in Silverdale (next suburb over to the catchment area, Waragamba). It could only happen to me!

Have a great weekend all....I know mine is a busy one so will check back on Monday. Oh and I will have some photos of the current happenings at Silverdale too.

How often is too often?

2005-09-15T10:46:00.000+10:00

Well this is something we all do.......the neighbour does it, even Posh and Becks, Britney probably just did one whilst giving birth, pretty sure Princess Mary will do one too (maybe not during childbirth but definitely before or after), I do them ALL THE FRIGGIN time.

Don't want to reveal myself too much but I am sure you get the drift. Now I talk about this subject with my friends all the time, as with friends nothing should be sacred, but they actually said that I do it too much and that it is not normal. Ok so fast forward to my Dr's appt where I asked him if it was normal and he basically did not answer me. I mean how could he as he was trying to contain his laughter with the odd chuckle under his breath.....he had heard it all at that stage! But I am still none-the-wiser. So people how often is too often?

Must investigate as lovely readers your comments are few and far between but I will be back with an update as to what is normal.

2005-09-14T14:59:00.000+10:00

Zappa - RIP

2005-09-14T14:55:00.000+10:00

Mack - RIP

Buggers

2005-09-14T14:32:00.000+10:00

Those buggers down below...

We have Marla (left in picture)- she is a pure boxer. Not affectionate, but you know that she cares. She loves chasing anything and is the best guard dog ever. They do say that boxers are the jokers of guard dogs and this rings true. She is 6 years old and just a darling. She loves D. much more than me but so have all our dogs.

Barney (middle in picture) - is a cross aussie bulldog and boxer. He is bulldog in statue but has the boxer head. He does not listen and runs the other way when you tell him to go into his enclosure (before you jump the gun the enclosure is about the size of 1/2 a football field, we live on acreage). Although he has selective hearing (bit like D.) he is just a charmer. Those eyes are monkey like and all is forgiven in a few minutes.

Then it is the one and only Bully (Barneys brother and right in picture) - As opposed to Barney Bully listens. He listens to the door opening (this may mean that we are bringing out food), he listens to the garage door opening (this may mean that we are going to the fridge getting their food ready), he listens to my car pulling up in the driveway (as this may mean that I have just bought some fresh bones / meat from the butchers), he listens to D. as more often than not D. is eating something which must be shared of course. See he listens. Bully is also very much taken after the aussie bulldog as opposed to the boxer side. He jumps on you when you least expect it and is a chicken. He is scared of everything. In fact he is the worst guard dog we have had but Marla is there for that.

D. and I had had two boxer brothers (Mack and Zappa) who we love dearly. They will NEVER be forgotten and are forever in my heart.

2005-09-09T11:24:00.000+10:00

We're ready to take a ride in our ma's new company car!!! Hoping like hell that the boss never discovers her blog as that will be the end of our trips!

Got it!

2005-09-09T11:17:00.000+10:00

If it worked, there will be a picture of my fur babies.....fingers crossed!

Baby

2005-09-09T10:20:00.000+10:00

When will I be blessed with my very own baby? Why am I going through what I am going through? Why? I have oh so many questions that I can't answer.

My current status is that I am on BCP in prep. for my next stim. cycle. I can't remmeber having these emotional side effects on my last stim. cycle with the BCP. Will think of another reason as to why I am a emotional wreck today.......I have to blame something!

I read another blog the other day and thought I would pinch the idea (just this once), and it was asked as to what sites / blogs you find interesting, sad, funny, etc. These are mine:

http://www.chrisandkara.com/?m=200509
My heart goes out to Chris and Kara. Hang in there Joey.

http://www.amalah.com/amalah/

http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/2005/09/pics.html

http://sothefishsaid.com/index.php

http://www.churchsigngenerator.com/index_1.php

http://endresult04.blogspot.com/

Enjoy!

Everything and Anything

2005-09-07T12:24:00.000+10:00

I have so much to finish at work but my motivation is ZILCH....
(and it doesn't help that the boss is not here)

I hate the fact that I want to do something else with my career but unfortunately can't as my job pays well and we couldn't financially be without it....

I am fed up with dealing with tradesman....

I am fed up with spoon feeding D. about what needs to be done....

I am fed up with this pregnancy obsession. Why can't I just accept that it may not happen and just be happy that my SIL is pregnant and that is all I may ever get....
(Just to clarify, I love that my SIL is pregnant, but why can't I be satisfied with that)

I hate that I am not at my ideal weight and cannot diet for the life of me....
(no I am not overweight but am slowly getting there and not being able to stop it)

I hate that I worry about things that are not really important....

I hate that my mum is not a friend to me and that we cannot talk about 'things'....

I hate that my little brother started a business at the age of 18 (and is not yet making millions) worries whether he can pay wages each and every week, yet works till all hours in the morning....

Told you...everything and anything

Sick and Tired

2005-08-29T10:00:00.000+10:00

I am sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Sound familiar, well it probably does as it is a song! lol

But this rings true. No less than a couple of weeks ago I was so sick that the thought of eating chocolate never entered my mind. Now that means I was really sick. Today well I have eaten some chocolate already (so technically) am not as sick as I was but am sick yet again. Not to mention that I had more than enough sleep and am still tired.

I am also trying to organise the building of our home. We have now put electricity on site, D is finishing the fence today, we have done our owner builder sign, D is cutting down some trees, then mulching them and also taking some waste to the tip (that others so kindly left on our property as it looked like a great place to dump it!). Have I told you that this house building business is v. costly!! lol.

Fashion Flaw

2005-08-26T10:46:00.000+10:00

Copied and further edited from my post on EB

I am sure all of us have had a fashion flaw at one time or another but I often wonder why grown women wear tracksuit type jumpers with a cartoon characters on them.

This morning while filling up fuel, a women next to me, who was probably going to work, wore a tracksuit jumper with Winner the Pooh FFS, with jeans tappered in at the bottom and joggers. Now this lady was not slim but she wasn't big either, she could have chosen more appropriate clothes. Oh and don't let me get started on the people that have toys in their car lined up on their dashboards or hanging on the back window!!!

I may get blastered for my opinions but what do you think? Are you one of these women that wear cartoon character prints on clothes? And if so, why?

I just don't get it so help me understand why you are obsessed with cartoon characters?

Twiddling Thumbs

2005-08-18T10:23:00.000+10:00

Twiddling twiddling twiddling....

I am going nowhere with IVF. I am in between cycles and this is more of a killer than 2ww. Why do I have to have a rest cycle?? Well I asked my doctor that at my appt yesterday and she said 'it best prepares your body for your next cycle'. Yeah well does it prepare me mentally NO - and a BIG FAT NO that was! It stresses me out even more and it is not even a relief to get there as I then have to inject forever in a day and then you have the EPU and then you what to find out how good your embryos are and then it is waiting again. Have I told you that I fcuking hate this waiting game. Yeah I swore.....so what. You would too if you were me. Oh get this?! The doc wanted DH to do a SCSA test even though 3 out of the 3 embroys fertilised, one brilliantly, one nor here nor there and one didn't make it. I actually think this was a pretty good result but seems to me they don't make enough moula from IVF that they want another $273 for this test. Yeah I'm rich so why not.

The house still has not started. The electrician has put some temporary power on site, D will put up the construction fence this week some time, plumber will go in next week to supply water on site then we should be able to start. Again twiddling thumbs in the mean time.

Hoping like hell that this twiddling stops soon...

Posting pictures...

2005-08-08T14:32:00.000+10:00

I know the majority of people viewing blogs immediately look to see whether there are any pictures of the blogger (confession: I do it all the time) and I really want to post a picture of me and the block of dirt but I can't work it out. I have tried to follow all instructions but no go. So if you can help me (the retard), I would appreciate it immensely...

Builders.....

2005-08-08T14:04:00.000+10:00

Who needs them!!! Actually I do!!!

Ok I did say that I would probably be at a loss pondering what to discuss in my two months of rest till I start my next IVF but what do you know, we are about to start building a house and when you are about to start building always have something to talk about and this leads me to my grudge against builders, yes this will be the first cab off the rank....

D and I are in the process of building our home and as D works on a construction site he has no time to find / organise anything so everything is pretty much left up to me. When our plans were with council I started to obtain quotes so that once they were approved, we would be able to start ASAP. Well we are now 1 1/2 months down the track and we are still not any closer to starting. Why? Well our builder (contract not signed) is talking builders crap to someone that does not understand builders lingo. Yes I know D is a Carpenter / Joiner so I should know something and believe me I know a whole lot about bathroom renovating as well as different tools and what they are used for (we have show and tell everytime a new tool is purchased), but that is about it. I don't know anything about footings but I do know that if we hit rock we will be up for more moula. That I do know. Anything to do with moula and I need to know.

Anyway so the builder is talking crap but this crap is going to effect my moula and is delaying everything in the process. Ok my other grudge with this builder or should I say myself (for not shopping around for other quotes) is that this builder was recommended and only now I see that he may be charging a little more than I am comfortable with so I am seeing another 'building supervisor' tonight for his quote / opinion and also on Saturday D and I drove past a massive new childcare centre being built down the road from us so we stopped in and asked who he used and it turns out that he is an owner builder and has a whole list of names so he said to give him a week and to give him a call and he will have the list ready for us. God love you Enzo.....and if I do have children I will make sure that they attend your centre. We need more people like you!

So that is where we are at. Still at the same block of dirt we were at many many months ago but I hope this will change soon.

And it's a.....BFN.

2005-08-03T16:43:00.000+10:00

The lack of posts were due to being on holidays but I must confess that I have been back for 5 days but just didn't feel like updating my blog. Yep it was a BFN. AF paid me a visit two days prior to the scheduled b/t and I wasn't happy. I must admit though, I was so much more devastated when my 1st IVF cycle was cancelled than my recent BFN. It may be that on the 1st you psych yourself up so much and in my case it all came crashing down.

Doc has advised that I need a little break so I will start my meds on my next cycle which means that my next approximate EPU date will be the beginning of October, b/t being........v. close to my b-day. I bet you all know what I will be wishing for on my 30th (gulp) b-day.

Geez what to blog about for the next IVF-free months? Dogs, building our house (which has not even begun), living with the inlaws etc.

Torture - Part 3

2005-07-21T09:30:00.000+10:00

Ok now that Torture and Torture 2 has been and gone, we are now onto Torture 3.

Torture 3 is known as the 2ww, but before I talk about this type of Torture lets retrack some steps....

After Torture 2 I received confirmation on Saturday 16/7 that the 3 fertilised embryos were growing well in fact 1 was a 7 cell embryo and 2 were 6 cells. They prefer between 6-8 at this stage so I was fine. They even confirmed ET so I was feeling great.

On Monday morning I went in for my ET and they indicated that one had stopped growing, one was doing ok but not at the stage they want for Day 5 embryos but one had reached the blastocyst stage.....click here for def. http://www.sdfertility.com/blastocyst.htm#what_is
This in itself is a major achievment. For anyone out there about to embark on IVF.....the EPU was bearable and the ET was no worse than a pap smear.

I am now in the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) until I know whether this has been successful or not. The 2ww is really undescribable. I mean it is only two weeks but after TTC for more than 4 years and never being this close to a pregnancy ever, this is painful. I just want to know now!

I am also off to the snows this weekend so the next post will really be when I receive my results. Lets hope it is not another Torture post!

Torture - Part 2

2005-07-15T10:29:00.000+10:00

Ohhhhh now I remember I have been physically tortured.....when my DB used to sit on my head and let loose as a kid. Is this classed as physical torture?

Torture

2005-07-15T10:20:00.000+10:00

Have you ever been tortured....physically or mentally. Well happy to say that I have never been tortured physically (phew) but mentally oh many a times. I am going through it at the moment and don't wish it upon anyone.

The torture that I am going through is waiting to find out if my 3 fertilised embryos continue to fertilise. Now THAT is torture. SIVF have a Day 5 blastocyst policy and I have another 3 to go!! Tomorrow I will know whether the 3 embroys have continued to fertilise and then on Monday I will know whether ET happens. Torture in its worst degree

GROW EMBIES GROW!!

Don't know what to think...

2005-07-14T09:36:00.000+10:00

Well yesterday I had my EPU and everything went really well. They advised that out of the 16 follicles only 8 contained eggs of which 2 were abnormal.

THEN...

this morning I ring for fertilisation results and they tell me that 5 were abnormal which leaves me with only 3 but all 3 have fertilised.

A bit of a shock at the moment but it is just a waiting game now. I am praying that all 3 survive till Monday, suppose I can't do anymore than that.

Trigger Happy

2005-07-12T09:51:00.000+10:00

Well what do you know.............the doc said that I will be ready for EPU on Wednesday which means that I triggered last night. I am over the moon to have finally got here and not long to go now.

My dilemma now (always something) is whether I want to transfer one or two. I am thinking that if I only have a couple good embies then I will transfer them both but if I have more than two then I will only transfer the one and freeze the remainder. I have to be realistic and know that one is healthier for me and bubs and it really is only my first cycle. I suppose I just answered my own question....

This blog is getting a little boring (for a reader)........my apologies to the poor souls reading this blog. What I don't apologise for is that is keeping me occupied during my toughest times.

Also I am heading off to the snows a week after my ET (egg transfer) so I won't even be here for the scheduled b/t if AF does not pay me a visit!! Let's hope that I never see her cruel face for at least 10 months!!

'What if'

2005-07-11T14:16:00.000+10:00

Ok now I know I dwell on the future too much and the fact that I am yet to complete a full IVF cycle but this morning I was chatting away to a lovely girl in the IVF waiting room (blood test) as well as the ultrasound waiting room and she had alreay completed (from memory) 5 AC cycles and was currently doing an donor egg (DE) IVF cycle. I started to think 'what if I could not fall pregnant whilst doing IVF? Would I want to go to the next step of using DE or even donor sperm (DS)? Would DH go to that extreme?' And the answer is I just don't know. I know that I would be happy to adopt, as would DH. So would I try the DE or DS first. Hmmmmm

On the bright side, u/s and b/t went well but the nurse will give me a call some time soon to give me the news....another couple of days of FSH or EPU? I have my bets on another couple of days of FSH but then again they are getting bigger.

Growing Pains

2005-07-08T14:55:00.000+10:00

Off I went to my blood test this morning only to have the nurse hit a nerve while trying to draw blood. Honestly it was so painful, probably even more painful that the aftermath of my numerous operations! It is still throbing.

I then toddled off to have my first ultrasound for this IVF cycle and am happy to report that they found 16 follicles! Yay. A lot of them are smaller in size but heck I am still happy and also some of the smaller ones will grow by EPU. On my first ultrasound on my first IVF cycle I had only had 8 and they were so much smaller so I am really happy. Just spoke to the nurses who told me to continue on my 300ui Puregon so I am happy with that.

EPU should be some time next week.....

Never Ever

2005-07-01T14:58:00.000+10:00

I know that this blog goes from me feeling on top of the world to quite the opposite. Sadly today I feel quite the opposite. I am feeling like maybe having a baby is just not meant to be. Maybe it is God's way of telling me that I am not supposed to have a baby to call my own. I was married 7 years ago and not one suspected pregnancy, nothing. Yet after my SIL announced her pregnancy just last week (which I am still ecstatic about) I am the last out of EVERYONE to have a bub. I am alone. No one can understand and I suppose I hope no one can understand. I am having all these injections but who is to know whether it will work. I honestly don't believe that my body is capable of a pregnancy.

I am feeling quite sorry for myself.

Puregon - Friday

2005-06-28T16:59:00.000+10:00

The clinic has advised to start the Puregon on Friday as opposed to today. Is this because they are trying to schedule my EPU on a particular day? I think so! And I am not happy!

Can anyone help with posting pictures??? Help.

Stimming - Puregon

2005-06-28T11:56:00.000+10:00

Still have not recovered from my previous post and won't until this is dead and buried but I do have good news..........I start stimming tonight (I think). I have to ring the clinic between 2-4pm just to confirm.

On my last cancelled cycle I was on Gonal F 175ui to begin with, this time I am on Puregon 300ui. I wonder whether they are the equivalent of one another or are they entirely different.

I am hoping that this IVF cycle is a positive experience and that I get to EPU and ultimately ET and then well you know what I want then.

Hope and pray for me....

The Bad News

2005-06-27T15:55:00.000+10:00

Well the story is so long and I really don't know where to start but suffice to say helping someone is not always the best thing to do.

Detectives are wanting to speak to me about something I so was not and do not want to be involved in and I am not sure what to do...

The Good News

2005-06-27T15:52:00.000+10:00

My beautiful SIL is pregnant and I couldn't be happier!! This is my DB's wife and she is the greatest thing ever to enter into my life.

I don't have a sister and SIL hasn't got a sister so we have attached onto one another so much. She is there for me always and I am here for her always.

I am going to be an aunty and I am loving that feeling. In less than 9 months my beautiful neice or nephew will come into the world and it won't know what hit it.

Grow strong my darling....

Mack

2005-06-21T09:32:00.000+10:00

Copied from my post on EB...

I don't know whether any of you remember me talking about my dog Mack that disappeared NYE because he was frightened of firecrackers......well here is a little about the events of that night. Every year we celebrate NYE at our holiday house down south. Firecrackers are let off and Mack has NEVER liked them. He tried to get into every little corner and curl up but as we were always around him we reassured him that all was ok and by morning he was fine.

Well this year for the first time ever we stayed home (we live on acreage) as we let my DH's uncle and family stay at the holiday house as he has a terminal disease. I fed Mack at about 7pm and told him that I would come and take him inside after he finishes his dinner. I was sitting watching the TV and heard 'one' firecracker. Immediately I run outside but Mack was not to be found. I searched day and night. I made brochures, I got a company 'PetSearch' to help me find my Mack. Absolutely no trace of him whatsoever.

Yesterday I drove into our driveway after going to pick up my meds for IVF and was just about to reverse when I looked to my left and thought I had seen Mack, sure enough it was Mack. Practically 6 months to the day my Mack was home. I screamed and howled like a baby but I was just so happy to have him home.

All was not well with Mack though. He would not look at me and it looked like he either suffered a stroke or got hit by a car so at 7.30pm it was off to the hospital. In the car my MIL was holding him but he was really panting but by the time we got to the hospital he was breathing easier. As he got out of the car he collapsed. They gave him oxygen to keep him going and took a chest x-ray which revealed that his heart was double the size and he had fluid all over his lungs. They indicated that they could give medication which would pro-long his life for a couple weeks but he would be very uncomfortable and someone would need to be with him 24/7 or put him to sleep. I chose the latter.....

I am just so pi$$ed off at myself for everything. I am pi$$ed off that I was not a responsible owner on the night that he went missing. I am pi$$ed off that I only got to spend several hours with him after not seeing him for 6 months. I am at a loss and don't know what to do....

p.s. The story by the people who took him to the vet is a little sus and I believe that they had him all this time and negelected him. I will investigate that a little more.

L U C R I N

2005-06-20T15:57:00.000+10:00

Give me a L
Give me an U
Give me a C
Give me a R
Give me an I
Give me a N

What do you get......you get Lucrin!! Come to think of it Murray's Pharmacy is going to give it to me as they stock it to the brim!

Went for my 1st b/t this morning for this cycle and have been given the go ahead. This month I am just going to take it as it comes....oops actually that's what I did last month and it still got cancelled. DH, some friends and I are going to the snows in the 2ww so I am not sure whether I should partake in the skiing but I am thinking that I should just go about my normal activities as many women do and still fall pregnant.

I went to my 3rd EB AC lunch at Hogs Breath on Saturday and it was great. Just putting some names to faces is awesome. Several newbies also attended which is sort of not good but good as we can all support one another. Thank you for a great time!

As Rove says.....say hi to your mum for me!

My Husband

2005-06-17T09:53:00.000+10:00

Dh is a wonderful husband. He helps me with housework, never insists on anything such as having dinner on the table, lets me shop till I drop (this is v important), suffice to say he is all I have ever wanted. BUT (there is a but) he does have a flaw and that flaw to me is worrying. Put simply, he does not plan for the future.

Ok to explain this a little, Dh lives for the moment. Not for tomorrow or yesterday just for right here right now. This annoys the hell out of me. Things that I would like he take more of an interest in is:

- controlling our finances;
- emotionally contribute to IVF;

both of these have to do with planning for the future but he doesn't see it as much of a problem as I do. When I ask Dh where he sees us in 5-10 years time he says that he doesn't think about the future and really does not care as long as we are ok today who cares about tomorrow. I just wish that he were a planner but then again you can't change the unchangeable and then again he wouldn't be Dh if he were a planner......right?

Food

2005-06-16T14:23:00.000+10:00

This occupies my thoughts every second of every day. Luckily I am not overweight but I am not toned and certainly have put on quite a few kg's over the last year. I tell myself to eat sensibly but I can't......for someone that is totally obsessed with food this is extremely difficult and something I just don't want to do. So if I want to eat everything is sight, I should exercise.....right? Wrong! I have not done one bit of exercise for a long long time and it is catching up with me.....fast. I have no determination nor any wilpower and this kills me.

I love you ..... food.

Update...

2005-06-15T09:09:00.000+10:00

Just thought I would let you know that Garnet had her little baby girl....Luca. Garnet is still not out of the woods yet but according to her SIL is doing ok. Keep fighting Garnet & Luca!!

You can read more...http://www.essentialbaby.com./CFForum/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=62&Topic=174778&srow=1&erow=15

Unforgettable

2005-06-15T09:02:00.000+10:00

Do you have an unforgettable moment.....I did. I went to a concert, Lucky Dube. DH is into reggae and I didn't really think that I would enjoy it but it was better than any other concert I have been to and I have been to quite a few! So if Lucky Dube is performing at a venue near you, go along I can assure you that even if you have never heard of Lucky Dube, you will leave feeling on top of the world.

Positive..

2005-06-01T11:07:00.000+10:00

I wanted to post something positive just for the heck of it. Why? Because. Just because.

Here are the positives:
- I am alive
- I am married to someone who loves me (although it has been a while since he said it but does show it each and every day)
- I have a beautiful family (most of them anyway)
- I have a job that pays me lots of moula
- I have three beautiful dogs who make me smile no matter what!
- I may not be pregnant but there is technology that will help me get there, and some of it is rebated by our government
- And many many more...

Over and out.....

Cancelled

2005-05-26T14:54:00.000+10:00

This word makes me sad and angry. Hell it makes me furious......they are the words I heard last Friday that I sort of expected but hoped would not pop up in my conversation with my nurse from the IVF clinic. Why did they cancelled? Well even though I was injected with more hormones that the average athlete (oops don't mean to offend), it was still not enough. I had thirteen follicles as a result but their size was the size of a smartie as opposed to a peanut M&M. Damn.

I then tried to see whether I could do a flare cycle (quicker) but 'no' I don't meet the criteria. I have to start on the BCP all over again for 4 weeks then Lucrin then gonal f and then hope I don't get sad and angry again.....

Today I heard that Melinda (Garnet - EB) was being assisted breathing as she is suffering from CF. She is also approx 28 weeks pregnant so I just wanted to wish her and her little Jebus the strongest vibes for the next few days. Not only has she had to endue CF but many other hurdles. Thinking of you.

Not long to go....

2005-03-14T15:27:00.000+11:00

Ahhhhh DH uttered the words I have been wanting to here for a long time 'next month we can start IVF'. I am ready and have even picked up the phone, I just have to dial the number. I know I have less than a 50% chance each and every time but I think this is better than the chance I have currently.

For the first time in a VERY long time I forgot about my infertility. I went to a dinner on Saturday with relatives and I went silly and I mean silly. Usually I sit around and watch others make fools out of themselves but this time the situation was reversed. I danced like crazy and nearly grabbed the mic but I stopped there as God only knows what would have happened then. No alcohol either!

Here's to a good ol' time.........eek! blurrrrrrrrr!

PMS

2005-02-28T15:36:00.000+11:00

The only pre-menstural symptom I have ever had would be sore (.)(.)'ies. The ache so much so that I try not to walk around too much. I have the biggest (.)(.)'ies ever normally but when PMSing, they are HUGE!

Usually when I go to the doctors and they ask me whether I have any PMS I say nope, nothing but massive (.)(.)'ies and their reply usually is 'lucky girl'. I always thought that the foul mood thing is just an excuse for us average girls. Oh but I am in shock.....for the 1st time ever I have not had sore (.)(.)'ies but rather I am in the foulest mood E V E R. No reason at all......no arguments at home, not hoping for a BFP as I didn't BD at the right time, DH being as understanding as ever but I have the SHITS. Big time.

Wagamama

2005-02-24T14:44:00.000+11:00

I love WAGAMAMA. Some of you may be wondering what the? Well Wagamama is a new Asian (Japanese) style noodle bar/restuarant and I love it. Suffice to say that I have been there twice this week and both have been freebies. That is a first for me. I just love Wagamama. Oh they have a website it's www.wagamama.com.au

Talking about MAMA, I wanna be a mama!! DH and I are off to see the Nurse tomorrow for our nurses interview and I am so scared as to what his reaction is going to be. He is still not sure on all this IVF stuff. It scares the hell out of him. Hopefully tomorrow we can open his eyes to the fact that IVF has little risks and work from there.

Fingers crossed for me.....

It's not my fault, maybe just a little

2005-02-04T06:24:00.000+11:00

Yesterday Sydney was drenched in Summer rain. Yes we need it but did the office need to be flooded? I was in the bosses office looking out the window at the idiots contemplating walking to their cars and then contemplating driving. So it was not my fault that I did not hear the downpour of rain coming into the office (yes you heard right). Who happened to save the day.....the bitch did of course as she heard it from downstairs and ran upstairs to tell us that the offices were flooding. We have some guys in cleaning up the mess so it did end all too badly now did it.

The wicked witch turned up today so noone wants to try me today. There were no symptoms that I was pregnant but then again what do I know about symptoms....I have never had any have I?

Oh if you want to check out my charts minus the tempretures click here http://www2.fertilityfriend.com/home/2223b

Please forgive me

2005-02-02T09:47:00.000+11:00

Well I tried changing the settings and adding a picture but no can do. As long as I can post my thoughts, that is the important thing. I have viewed many blogs and mine will be *&^%$# in comparison.

Well a bit about me, I am 29 (do not want to mention that I am turning the big 3 0 this year! Duh 30 comes after 29!!) and am working within the Workers Compensation industry. My dream career would be to be in the Police Force. Why?? Not too sure why.

DH is a jack of all trades. He is brilliant with his hands (mmmmm) and can make something out of nothing. DH is 31 and still a big kid.

We have been TTC for a little while and this consumes my thoughts all day everyday. A little more about that next time.....

2005-02-02T09:46:00.000+11:00

Don't Understand!!

Is this all too hard?

2005-01-13T15:43:00.000+11:00

Is this blogger thing all too hard as I can't handle many more hurdles in my life. TTC being the biggest ever and most unexpected..