Never...
Thank you for your kind words.
Infertility effects every part of your life. Instead of being over the moon, I am quietly cautious. I suppose I have to be. I have been through so much that I think this will be taken away from me faster than it got here. I think this infertility journey just never ends.
About a week ago a lady posted a discussion on EB as to when the stressing would stop and someone said that it didn't stop until the baby was 4 weeks old! I think that is the way I will feel. It will not be real until I am holding something in my arms.
posted by Anita @ 10:53 am
5 Comments:
It seems that's a very common feeling around here.
Kepping everything crossed that your little sesame seed sticks around for the long haul!
I don't think any of us can help but stress, if you've been through any of the infertile journey and spoken to or read about others experience you know all the things that may happen.
After the first beta test, there's the worry about the next one and if your levels are doubling. My thoughts are with you.
Anita, I know you aren't overjoyed yet, but I'm delighted for you. I dare you to go back to that nurse and tell her she can now tell future patients - I know TWO ladies who've got pregnant with that quality blastocysts!
Hoping very hard that this does, indeed, end with that baby in your arms.
Anita, congratulations again, I'm so happy for you. As for your feelings I can speak from experience saying that it's a very confusing time - you're so happy yet so scared, you're still dealing with the disappointment of having been infertile in the first place and are still envious of other pregnant women and that makes you feel guilty, you have moments of blinding joy and excitement but they’re tempered with fear of getting too ahead of yourself and trying to hold back in case something goes wrong. I’m now 25 weeks pregnant and can honestly say that a lot of those feelings are going away but being pregnant after infertility is still a big emotional journey. All I can do is suggest that you do whatever is going to get you through it. In my case I had a weekly beta until the heartbeat scan at 8 weeks, I then requested another scan at 10 weeks because I was worrying, I had the 12 week scan and then hired a Doppler and kept it until I could well and truly feel enough movement to keep me reassured. Your priority has to be yourself and if that means being a “difficult” patient and demanding extra monitoring just do it. I have also really tried to work through my “issues” over the last few months because I don’t want infertility to affect my experience of motherhood. I’m really trying to leave the feelings of failure and fear behind me and to look to the future. I felt a lot of guilt at the beginning for not being 100% happy and gushy and also a lot of anger that infertility had impacted on my experience of pregnancy. But, I also recognise that fear makes me that way so I don’t blame myself for being like that - and slowly as the weeks have gone by I’ve gotten more used to being “normal” and am really starting to get excited. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that it’s completely normal and understandable for you to be experiencing a mix of emotions right now and you will continue to all the way through your pregnancy. Just be kind to yourself. I’m really looking forward to reading about your pregnancy and the eventual birth of your “well-earned” baby. XXXXXX
Congrats again, and I think what you are feeling is so typical of the post-infertility pregnancies I read about.
There's always something new to worry about.
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