Torture - Part 3

Ok now that Torture and Torture 2 has been and gone, we are now onto Torture 3.

Torture 3 is known as the 2ww, but before I talk about this type of Torture lets retrack some steps....

After Torture 2 I received confirmation on Saturday 16/7 that the 3 fertilised embryos were growing well in fact 1 was a 7 cell embryo and 2 were 6 cells. They prefer between 6-8 at this stage so I was fine. They even confirmed ET so I was feeling great.

On Monday morning I went in for my ET and they indicated that one had stopped growing, one was doing ok but not at the stage they want for Day 5 embryos but one had reached the blastocyst stage.....click here for def. http://www.sdfertility.com/blastocyst.htm#what_is
This in itself is a major achievment. For anyone out there about to embark on IVF.....the EPU was bearable and the ET was no worse than a pap smear.

I am now in the dreaded 2ww (two week wait) until I know whether this has been successful or not. The 2ww is really undescribable. I mean it is only two weeks but after TTC for more than 4 years and never being this close to a pregnancy ever, this is painful. I just want to know now!

I am also off to the snows this weekend so the next post will really be when I receive my results. Lets hope it is not another Torture post!

Torture - Part 2

Ohhhhh now I remember I have been physically tortured.....when my DB used to sit on my head and let loose as a kid. Is this classed as physical torture?

Torture

Have you ever been tortured....physically or mentally. Well happy to say that I have never been tortured physically (phew) but mentally oh many a times. I am going through it at the moment and don't wish it upon anyone.

The torture that I am going through is waiting to find out if my 3 fertilised embryos continue to fertilise. Now THAT is torture. SIVF have a Day 5 blastocyst policy and I have another 3 to go!! Tomorrow I will know whether the 3 embroys have continued to fertilise and then on Monday I will know whether ET happens. Torture in its worst degree

GROW EMBIES GROW!!

Don't know what to think...

Well yesterday I had my EPU and everything went really well. They advised that out of the 16 follicles only 8 contained eggs of which 2 were abnormal.

THEN...

this morning I ring for fertilisation results and they tell me that 5 were abnormal which leaves me with only 3 but all 3 have fertilised.

A bit of a shock at the moment but it is just a waiting game now. I am praying that all 3 survive till Monday, suppose I can't do anymore than that.

Trigger Happy

Well what do you know.............the doc said that I will be ready for EPU on Wednesday which means that I triggered last night. I am over the moon to have finally got here and not long to go now.

My dilemma now (always something) is whether I want to transfer one or two. I am thinking that if I only have a couple good embies then I will transfer them both but if I have more than two then I will only transfer the one and freeze the remainder. I have to be realistic and know that one is healthier for me and bubs and it really is only my first cycle. I suppose I just answered my own question....

This blog is getting a little boring (for a reader)........my apologies to the poor souls reading this blog. What I don't apologise for is that is keeping me occupied during my toughest times.

Also I am heading off to the snows a week after my ET (egg transfer) so I won't even be here for the scheduled b/t if AF does not pay me a visit!! Let's hope that I never see her cruel face for at least 10 months!!

'What if'

Ok now I know I dwell on the future too much and the fact that I am yet to complete a full IVF cycle but this morning I was chatting away to a lovely girl in the IVF waiting room (blood test) as well as the ultrasound waiting room and she had alreay completed (from memory) 5 AC cycles and was currently doing an donor egg (DE) IVF cycle. I started to think 'what if I could not fall pregnant whilst doing IVF? Would I want to go to the next step of using DE or even donor sperm (DS)? Would DH go to that extreme?' And the answer is I just don't know. I know that I would be happy to adopt, as would DH. So would I try the DE or DS first. Hmmmmm

On the bright side, u/s and b/t went well but the nurse will give me a call some time soon to give me the news....another couple of days of FSH or EPU? I have my bets on another couple of days of FSH but then again they are getting bigger.

Growing Pains

Off I went to my blood test this morning only to have the nurse hit a nerve while trying to draw blood. Honestly it was so painful, probably even more painful that the aftermath of my numerous operations! It is still throbing.

I then toddled off to have my first ultrasound for this IVF cycle and am happy to report that they found 16 follicles! Yay. A lot of them are smaller in size but heck I am still happy and also some of the smaller ones will grow by EPU. On my first ultrasound on my first IVF cycle I had only had 8 and they were so much smaller so I am really happy. Just spoke to the nurses who told me to continue on my 300ui Puregon so I am happy with that.

EPU should be some time next week.....

Never Ever

I know that this blog goes from me feeling on top of the world to quite the opposite. Sadly today I feel quite the opposite. I am feeling like maybe having a baby is just not meant to be. Maybe it is God's way of telling me that I am not supposed to have a baby to call my own. I was married 7 years ago and not one suspected pregnancy, nothing. Yet after my SIL announced her pregnancy just last week (which I am still ecstatic about) I am the last out of EVERYONE to have a bub. I am alone. No one can understand and I suppose I hope no one can understand. I am having all these injections but who is to know whether it will work. I honestly don't believe that my body is capable of a pregnancy.

I am feeling quite sorry for myself.